I wanted to offer a bit of an energetic update during this Mercury retrograde and just share some things I’ve personally been moving through. My hope is that in that sharing this it will perhaps inspire you or help to unlock something in you that you are feeling into as well.
Everything is in constant flux and there are always energies moving us in different directions and different dynamics of the energies at play. Sometimes there is a time where things are really clear and there's a lot of forward moving momentum and then there are times, like the other side of the pendulum in life, where we are able to just relax and go a little deeper in terms of looking at where we can review or redo, or where we need a little more attention within ourselves. Everything energetically is constantly in motion and this is just a change in frequency and it is not something that we can't work with.
I happen to personally love retrograde energy, I feel more in tune with myself. I feel like I can go deeper with meditation during Mercury retrograde. This one especially in Pisces has some dreamy fun elements to it. Allowing yourself to take a deep breath and just relax into this phase gives us the opportunity to practice patience and release our expectations. The release of expectations has absolutely been a theme for me. I have been working with just allowing it to flow because lately nothing has been predictable.
I've been in my own personal retrograde for quite some time. I have been staying patient and just allowing things to be the process and unfold however they're going to unfold, and a lot of this is really rooted in the undoing and unlearning of some of the patterns that I have unconsciously been operating from most of my life. I've been given new perspective on so many different ways that I show up, and it just has been ultimately what it feels like is a softening, and it feels like I am just melting away these layers that were really rigid and really not serving in the highest to myself or my purpose.
An important energetic collective tool I have been allowing myself to enjoy lately is being in the joy of life. In the joy of creation and letting go of my grip on predicting outcomes, letting go of the mind stuff that wants me to know a certainty or lock into something being the outcome. This is the energetic collective tool that is working through this. In particular, in my experience, I work with a lot of women who are letting go of this as well, where we maybe have been taught or picked up somewhere along the way, these old subconscious programs where we are equating our worth to our productivity. We are unlearning, undoing, and releasing these old programs that we thought were so solid or we thought were the way to be.
In the past I have approached most of my work and my self-worth around needing validation and recognition. During that part of my life I had a very revved up nervous system pattern where I did not stay in my body. I’d get really ungrounded and that pattern in my nervous system is very much still unwinding. It is now, what I would say is the majority of my "work" is staying in my body and unwinding and continuing to unlearn these patterns.
The surprising thing in this to me is that my strengths are actually not at all what I thought they were, and I was conditioned and even had certain reactions to. Trauma can be anything that shines a derogatory light on us and that we imprint around. There were some patterns and beliefs that I adopted about myself that are repeating. They're stuck on a loop and that is really what I have started to pay attention to. I am able to slow down and start to really do the work of unwinding these beliefs and patterns. They are not at all who I am here to be or to contribute.
We are disconnected when we are not allowing ourselves to be in the joy of life and we're overly attached to outcomes or predictions. When we are analyzing goals and outcomes we’ll often have physical symptoms, feeling disconnected to our body. It has taken me several years to awaken to this. This is not overnight, but I started to have some very uncomfortable physical symptoms. I remember flying so high and being so addicted to my own adrenaline right before this collapse happened.
A good friend and mentor of mine once said, "You can absolutely approach your business from this perspective, you can absolutely choose to go out and be all the things to everyone and do all the things, but at some point you will crash." At the time I felt so arrogant and so confident in terms of my capabilities because I really had been shoving away and not paying attention to any warning signs. I hadn't really had a breakthrough where I felt like I had hit a wall. At that time I was like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." I was very much overestimating my own energy levels and energy tank.
There came a point and time where there was literally a glitch in my nervous system and these crazy physical symptoms started to manifest. It has not been a linear path. Anybody who's going through any sort of healing journey may get these signs and symptoms in some way, especially in this world with the pace and the age of anxiety. That healing requires a lot of dedication and a lot of patience. It has taught me and it has mirrored to me that everything in our reality shows up. Everything that is manifested is a holographic reality, it is manifesting and mirroring to us what we need to see in order to have something to work with.
Everything shows up in the physical as a result of the energetic imprint first. That is where I am now focusing, the majority of my healing, is in the energetic layers, the deep dimensional layers of my being. It takes you to a place that’s uncomfortable, and at first you want to resist it. It's such a process.
I had to make different choices, I had to be really dedicated to putting attention to being more heart-centered back in my body, less strategic in my mind. I have had help. I'm so grateful to my earth angels, helpers, guides, physical, people in my life and also guides that are mine energetically that I have leaned on to start to understand and start to unravel this. The old way, the old me, the old figuring out and hyper-vigilance that literally pushed my energy to places and thresholds that it does not go is fading away. It's like I can't even access it anymore, and now I've replaced it with being in the joy of the physical.